A group of Anglo-American economists – together with the
French economist Patrick Viveret – are urging that the success of
our societies should be measured by the well-being of their citizens, rather
than by their production of weapons or construction of prisons. In
studying what really makes people happy, they have come up with precise
recommendations – daily behaviors and activities that don’t consume
material goods, and which are relatively recession-proof.
1. Connect with others – invest in human relationships. Look on them as the foundations of your life. They will enrich and support you more and more every day.
2. Be active – find a way to move your body that’s fun and feels good. When the body is active, it manufactures happiness.
3. Sharpen your awareness of the present moment – be curious. Observe what is beautiful or unusual. Savor the moment you’re living in right now.
4. Never stop learning – try something new. Take up
singing lessons, tango, cooking, drawing. Set yourself a goal you’d like
to meet. Then take the first step in getting there.
5. Give a bit by yourself – do something to help
someone. Imagine that your personal happiness is inextricably linked to
the happiness of your community. Activate the pleasure zones in your
brain.
Rumination is bad for you. As psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky explains in
her book
The How of Happiness: "Overthinking ushers in a host of adverse consequences: It
sustains or worsens sadness, fosters negatively biased thinking,
impairs a person’s ability to solve problems, saps motivation, and
interferes with concentration and initiative. Moreover, although people
have a strong sense that they are gaining insight into themselves and
their problems during their ruminations, this is rarely the case. What
they do gain is a distorted, pessimistic perspective on their lives."
Instead, we can do as
Christine Carter, PhD advises:
ACCEPT the negative feelings. The key to this is not to deny what we are feeling, but rather to
lean into our feelings, even if they are painful. Take a moment to be mindful and narrate:
I’m feeling anxious right now, or This situation is making me tense. Hang in there with unpleasant feelings at least long enough to acknowledge them.
PROBLEM SOLVE. What did you learn from that embarrassing
situation? What can you do to improve a difficult situation tomorrow?
Who else can help? Who do you need to forgive before you’ll feel better?
Put a plan into place.
LET GO. MOVE ON. TRY TO FEEL BETTER. This means that we
make a genuine effort to cultivate happiness, gratitude, hope, or any
other positive emotion; researchers call this “deep acting.”
Faking a smile or other pleasantries to cover our negative emotions
(what researchers call “surface acting”) without actually trying to
change our underlying negative emotions will often make us feel worse
rather than better. But when we genuinely try to feel more positive—when
we do try to change our underlying feelings—we usually end up feeling
fewer negative emotions and more positive emotions.
She goes on to suggest:
Have a
DANCE party. Putting on some music you enjoy and dancing around is a research proven way to feel good.
Find a way to
LAUGH. Laughter lowers stress hormones (even the
expectation of laughter can do this) and elevates feel-good beta-endorphins and the human growth hormone.
SLEEP
it off. Sometimes, we have a hard time recovering because grief and
other negative emotions can be so draining. Taking a nap—or just hitting
the hay early for the night—can work wonders.
Take a
WALK. When we’ve been really angry or had a “fight or
flight” response, physical activity helps clear the adrenaline out of
our system. And like happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky says:
Exercise may just be the best short-term happiness booster we know of.
ENGAGE with
FRIENDS. This is my go-to feel-better
solution (maybe because my friends make me laugh). In this case, seek
friends out not to tell them all the reasons why you’ve been feeling
badly, but rather to have some fun. The idea is to goof around a little.
Practice
GRATITUDE. Feeling and expressing gratitude makes
most people feel happier and more satisfied with their lives; it also
comes with the added benefit of bringing a larger perspective to the
picture.
Give out some
HUGS. Dacher Keltner’s studies show that touch
is the primary language of compassion, love, and gratitude—all positive
emotions. Read all about the way that hugs make us feel better in
Keltner’s terrific book,
Born to Be Good, and in this
essay.
Find some
INSPIRATION. Elevation, awe, and inspiration are some of my favorite positive emotions.
Notice that none of these things are the numbing behaviors. We are moving on rather than dulling and denying; we’ve already felt the bad feelings, and now we are letting them go. We have a long list of ways to avoid feeling bad in the
first place, of ways to dull the pain. We drink alcohol and take drugs;
we overeat and gossip; we have affairs and go shopping for things we
don’t need; we keep ourselves too busy to feel anything; we compulsively
check our phones and email and Facebook. These are not happiness
habits, and they are less necessary when we’ve already accepted our
negative emotions and moved on.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Finish each day
and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and
absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a
new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.”
While purchasing a magic
carpet was never high on my must-haves list, little did I know that when I
brought my first iPAD home I was in for the ride of my life. While
never having to leave the sweet refuge of my very own bed or easy chair,
I have traveled to places far and wide, my iPAD as my trusty "magic carpet."
