Manufacturing Happiness

A group of Anglo-American economists – together with the French economist Patrick Viveret – are urging that the success of our societies should be measured by the well-being of their citizens, rather than by their production of weapons or construction of prisons. In studying what really makes people happy, they have come up with precise recommendations – daily behaviors and activities that don’t consume material goods, and which are relatively recession-proof.

1. Connect with others – invest in human relationships. Look on them as the foundations of your life. They will enrich and support you more and more every day.

2. Be active – find a way to move your body that’s fun and feels good. When the body is active, it manufactures happiness.

3. Sharpen your awareness of the present moment – be curious. Observe what is beautiful or unusual. Savor the moment you’re living in right now.

4. Never stop learning – try something new. Take up singing lessons, tango, cooking, drawing. Set yourself a goal you’d like to meet. Then take the first step in getting there.

5. Give a bit by yourself – do something to help someone. Imagine that your personal happiness is inextricably linked to the happiness of your community. Activate the pleasure zones in your brain.

 Rumination is bad for you. As psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky explains in her book The How of Happiness:  "Overthinking ushers in a host of adverse consequences: It sustains or worsens sadness, fosters negatively biased thinking, impairs a person’s ability to solve problems, saps motivation, and interferes with concentration and initiative. Moreover, although people have a strong sense that they are gaining insight into themselves and their problems during their ruminations, this is rarely the case. What they do gain is a distorted, pessimistic perspective on their lives."

Instead, we can do as Christine Carter, PhD advises:

ACCEPT the negative feelings. The key to this is not to deny what we are feeling, but rather to lean into our feelings, even if they are painful. Take a moment to be mindful and narrate: I’m feeling anxious right now, or This situation is making me tense. Hang in there with unpleasant feelings at least long enough to acknowledge them.

PROBLEM SOLVE. What did you learn from that embarrassing situation? What can you do to improve a difficult situation tomorrow? Who else can help? Who do you need to forgive before you’ll feel better? Put a plan into place.

LET GO. MOVE ON. TRY TO FEEL BETTER. This means that we make a genuine effort to cultivate happiness, gratitude, hope, or any other positive emotion; researchers call this “deep acting.”
Faking a smile or other pleasantries to cover our negative emotions (what researchers call “surface acting”) without actually trying to change our underlying negative emotions will often make us feel worse rather than better. But when we genuinely try to feel more positive—when we do try to change our underlying feelings—we usually end up feeling fewer negative emotions and more positive emotions.

She goes on to suggest:

Have a DANCE party. Putting on some music you enjoy and dancing around is a research proven way to feel good.

Find a way to LAUGH.  Laughter lowers stress hormones (even the expectation of laughter can do this) and elevates feel-good beta-endorphins and the human growth hormone.

SLEEP it off. Sometimes, we have a hard time recovering because grief and other negative emotions can be so draining. Taking a nap—or just hitting the hay early for the night—can work wonders.

Take a WALK. When we’ve been really angry or had a “fight or flight” response, physical activity helps clear the adrenaline out of our system. And like happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky says: Exercise may just be the best short-term happiness booster we know of.

ENGAGE with FRIENDS. This is my go-to feel-better solution (maybe because my friends make me laugh). In this case, seek friends out not to tell them all the reasons why you’ve been feeling badly, but rather to have some fun. The idea is to goof around a little.

Practice GRATITUDE. Feeling and expressing gratitude makes most people feel happier and more satisfied with their lives; it also comes with the added benefit of bringing a larger perspective to the picture.

Give out some HUGS. Dacher Keltner’s studies show that touch is the primary language of compassion, love, and gratitude—all positive emotions. Read all about the way that hugs make us feel better in Keltner’s terrific book, Born to Be Good, and in this essay.

Find some INSPIRATION. Elevation, awe, and inspiration are some of my favorite positive emotions.

Notice that none of these things are the numbing behaviors. We are moving on rather than dulling and denying; we’ve already felt the bad feelings, and now we are letting them go.  We have a long list of ways to avoid feeling bad in the first place, of ways to dull the pain. We drink alcohol and take drugs; we overeat and gossip; we have affairs and go shopping for things we don’t need; we keep ourselves too busy to feel anything; we compulsively check our phones and email and Facebook. These are not happiness habits, and they are less necessary when we’ve already accepted our negative emotions and moved on.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

On the Fourth of July, our nation's Independence Day, my mind wanders to the Declaration of Independence.  Doesn't yours?  No?  Well, how about the splendid notion of the "pursuit of happiness" contained therein?  I am forever cogitating on the subject of happiness.  Exploring this vast wonderland captures my imagination like nothing else.

Thomas Jefferson wrote the first draft of the Declaration of Independence in a matter of days, including the reference to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" in the original.  The draft he delivered to the Second Continental Congress, even after many rewrites and edits, still contained that stirring phrase.  It so completely expressed core American ideals, freedom from tyranny, freedom of self-determination and the freedom to pursue happiness.

In his article entitled "The Meaning of the Pursuit of Happiness," James R. Rogers explores this concept in the context of the time in which Jefferson understood the phrase.   In that late 1700's, one might think of "pursuit" as a sense of vocation, a calling.  Rogers says, "So the 'pursuit of happiness' means something like occupying one's life with the activities that provide for overall well-being.  This certainly includes a right to the ownership and enjoyment of material things, but it goes beyond that to include humanity's spiritual and moral conditions."  I interpret this as the freedom to work toward and achieve self-actualization.

Leaping across several centuries of exploration about the meaning of and search for happiness, Maria Popova, the talented curator at Brain Pickings, has assembled a list of 7 Must-Read Books on the Art and Science of Happiness for our reading pleasure.    I have savored this list like a child with only 7 pieces of candy remaining from her Halloween stash.  This list tempts me to dig in, each tasty morsel promising untold treasures to savor, luring me back time and again to reread the post and imagine the assortment of delectable ideas nestled within those pages.  But I resist digging in because I want to prolong the pleasure of, drum roll please, anticipation.  Merely savoring the anticipation of something enjoyable creates untold hours of pure happiness for me.  And it's free!!!

Now in truth, I have started reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.   The subject of how to amplify one's daily level of happiness hits such a sweet spot in my nature.  It is a key area of fascination as I work toward achieving my sense of self-actualization.  Even still, I keep laying the book aside to postpone its inevitable end. I don't want the book to end because I find such happiness in savoring all the subtleties of the ideas she explores. 

Gretchen Rubin has mastered the art of distilling ideas into their essence, linking one to the next, articulating a framework which provides thoughtful hook upon which I can organize my own thinking on the subject.  So instead, I nibble at at her blog posts, her Facebook page, her Huffington Post and Linked In Influencer posts.  I watch her You Tube videos and generally inhale all things Gretchen.  For me, the content of all the media she harnesses to her search for greater happiness provides a rich buffet of food for thought.  Yes, I confess, I am an unabashed Gretchen Rubin Groupie.  More about Gretchen in my next post....

[photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/chanc/3159083297/">Christopher Chan</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>]

10 Truths About My Wabi-Sabi Life

Chihuly Glass Sculpture in Seatle

You’ve found me!  Our journey begins with 10 truths about my wabi-sabi life that will ground your understanding of how I’ve come to this place.

1.   Born in 1951, I've got plenty to say about
all things Baby Boomer.  Hey, I'm a proud, card carrying member of AARP.  I get discounts!  Actually, I've got plenty to say about most things so my posts will range from the universal to the personal.  I like to consolidate my thinking in the short essay format.  Perfect for blogging.  I'm waaaay too verbose for Twitter.

2.   I've been blessed with two adored daughters.  Infertility, miscarriages, difficult deliveries got things off to a rocky start, but I would do it all again.  The only thing better than one daughter is two!  They amaze, inspire, and educate me. They challenge me to become my best self.  Though far from perfect, they are simply perfect to me.  I like to say I had my first child to make me think I could do no wrong and my second child to humble me.  But the truth is, they have each brought me some of the happiest days of my life, some of the scariest and some of the saddest.  They have given me their permission to "go there" should a post warrant a recounting.   

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone   And oh how we fly like the wind trying to catch up....

3. My first marriage was arranged and I was the idiot who arranged it.  Divorce put an end to that ill-fated union.  More about my thoughts on courtship, marriage and divorce to come.

4. As a result of my first marriage, I lived in Los Angeles for 25 years, finally high-tailing it back to the east coast in 2006 when my younger daughter was safely ensconced in college.  Now I am blissfully at home in Maryland, actually the home state of my beloved Grandma Kathryn.  Everybody needs a Grandma Kathryn in her/his life.  I can't wait to tell you why.

5. Deceptively simple aphorisms guide my thinking, planning and doing:  “Life isn’t about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.”;  “Do what you can, where you are, with what you have.”  “Leap and the net will appear.”  “You’re never too old to become what you might have been.”  “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”  Many more adages inspire, motivate and comfort me.  What are yours?

6. I am the devoted sidekick of my blue-eyed feline companion, Rocky.  While I can love dogs, particularly my dearly departed Jake, a Wheaten Terrier, and Woody, a West Highland White Terrier, I am an avowed cataholic.  From their fur to their purr, they make my heart sing. 

7. I love all things “home.”  Whether buying, selling, remodeling, designing, decorating, cooking, entertaining or relaxing, real estate is in my blood. Home is my nirvana. As Samuel Johnson opined, " To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition."

8. I am obsessed with healthy eating, Gary Taubes, particularly his most recent book, Why We Get Fat, paleo food (although not a strict paleo program), increasing dietary fat and eliminating grains.  While I am far from perfect in my actual day-to-day food consumption, I am 100% focused on a philosophy and a plan.  As has been said, "Shoot for the moon and you may land among the stars."  I would say I'm an 80/20 person---80% of the time I'm on track, strategic, organized and planning.  But the other 20% of the time I'm driven by cravings for thin crust pizza, ice cream, that hard, crusty rye bread heel, potato chips, and more.  Some days are great, some days better than others, some are just plain challenging.  All in all I'm in pretty good shape and pretty good health.  Oh, and let's just end with this blasphemous thought:  I don't believe in controlling cholesterol with statins.  High cholesterol alone is not a frightful devil waiting to do us in!

9. My guilty pleasures: TV and my iPad.  Reality TV fascinates me.  Perhaps there is some relationship to my preference for non-fiction and my eternal love of the self-help genre.  My iPad is my constant companion.  I never travel without it.  I am addicted to reading and information discovery.  I can zoom from books, to blogs, to news media, to email, to the internet, to AbbleDabble Scrabble, all as my whims dictate.  My iPad is my magic carpet.

10. And last but certainly not least, after more than 10 years of searching far and wide, I have found the man in whom my soul delights.  He is now my beloved husband.  I am over-the-moon grateful for this second chance at love.  What joy to wake up happy.  

Now that I've concluded this brief introduction, I lift my glass to you.  A toast:  May this be the beginning a long and engaging conversation.  I can't wait to hear from you!